Monday, May 30, 2011
We Fixed the Dryer Today Using Google!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A Few Things About Goal Setting
- I stayed up until 2am watching Oprah Winfrey's Master Class last night. If you get the opportunity to watch this two-part series about Oprah's life and her success, please take it. Here words are sooo inspiring and the things she says are sooo insightful it makes you want to go out, be awesome, and conquer the world!
- I was reading through the blog posts I wrote when I first began this blog in 2009. It is amazing how far I have come since then and it is also amazing that many of the goals that I had written down way back then actually have actually come true. At the time, I wanted to quit work and travel but there was no way in Hell that was going to happen. I was so far in debt that the idea of me quitting work was laughable. Fast forward to today when not only have I quit working, but our biggest problem now is deciding where to travel to next. Lesson: write down your goals and the universe will amaze you by helping you make them come true.
- I just found out today that I will get to meet one of my favorite bloggers in a couple of weeks. I had the goal "meet a favorite blogger" on my list of things to accomplish this year but had no idea where I would find a blogger to meet. Today the Family on Bikes posted on FaceBook that they will be in Atlanta in a couple of weeks and they asked who wanted to meet up with them. I quickly answered back "ME!" Yet another example of how writing your goals down somehow opens the door to making them come true!
Do you have goals? Do you have them written down? If not, you should. I don't know how it works, but for me, writing my goals down has made amazing things happen that I really believe otherwise would never have come true.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Preparing for Disaster Series (Part 1 of 10): Domestic Violence
- Get help from the experts, preferably for free. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) is a good resource for general information. You can also call 211 to find local resources for domestic violence help in your community (ie: a DV shelter, DV court advocates, DV counselors, etc).
- Have an emergency fund. Unlike most people who keep an emergency fund with their spouse, this one you want to keep without your spouse's knowledge. Financial control is one of the most common ways that abusers control their victims. You may want to keep cash hidden in your house (may be difficult to access if you need to leave in a hurry), leave cash with a trusted friend or relative (make sure they won't spend it!), or open your own bank account (choose a different bank than you and your SO usually use, don't accept an ATM card for the account, and make sure the statements are only provided to you electronically or sent to a friend's house). You want to bulk up this fund up as much as possible, even if that means you can only put $10 a month in taken out of the grocery fund. Also, since without at ATM card you can't access your bank account on weekends, be sure to keep a little cash on hand to use until you can get to the bank.
- Keep all of your important documents on hand or, as abusers also use holding your documents as a method of control, scan them into your computer and keep copies of them on a hidden thumb drive. You want to scan the entire family's documents (yours, hubby's, kids) and want to include birth certificates, driver's licenses, passports, military records, list of financial assets, etc. This will help you sign up for emergency social services (food stamps, welfare) as well as provide necessary information for your attorney.
- Develop a circle of friends. Often abuse victims are isolated by their abuser to the point that they will have no one to turn to for help. If possible, let a few people know about your situation and find out if you can count on them if necessary. These people may include trusted co-workers, family members, people from church, or neighbors. Friends will be able to help with a range of things including hiding you until you can get help, taking care of your kids, giving you money, giving you a place to leave important items, etc.
- Keep a bag of emergency escape supplies in an easy to access place. You want a bag that includes a change of clothes, basic toiletries, a list of emergency phone numbers in case the abuser takes your phone, some cash, spare car and house keys, a thumb drive with your important documents on it, etc. You may not be able to keep this bag in your house so consider other places to keep it such as at work, at a friend's house, in a bus station locker, etc.
- Have an escape plan. In scenario-based planning, people consider all of the "what ifs" and make a plan for each possibility. What if things blow up and you need to get your kids from school but don't have a car? Idea: a friend can be added to the list of people who can pick up your kids and they can go get them. What if your abuser is flipping out and trying to kill you? Idea: teach your kids how to call 911. What if you only have a short period of time to escape? Idea: have a plan to exit the house, get to a safe location, get your emergency bag, and get assistance from a local DV agency. The bottom line is to think of every possibility and think of ideas to work around these possibilities so that you can escape and get help.
- Document, document, document. Often people who are in abusive relationships don't want to call the police, don't want to press charges, and don't want to go to the hospital if they are injured because they don't want the abuser to get arrested. While I always say call the police! press charges! I know that this doesn't often happen. What needs to be done however, whether you are ready to press charges or not, is to document the abuse as much as possible. Going to the hospital is one way to do this, taking photographs is another, keeping a diary at work of each incident, even having a co-worker keep this information for you, is a way to collect enough evidence that in the event that you eventually want to get a restraining order or press charges it will make it much clearer to the judge that there is cause to issue these orders.
- Once you escape, you will need to cover your tracks (often abusers have access to your cell phone and bank records so can track you this way). Buy a cheap, prepaid phone and turn off/take out the battery from your regular cell phone so it can't be tracked. Withdraw cash from your emergency bank account and pay cash for everything. You may need to apply for a new job so your abuser can't find you and enroll your children in another school depending on how likely it is that the abuser will hunt you down at these places. As a side note, don't use your home computer to plan your escape, look up resources, or otherwise find information that could be useful to your abuser--your internet history will provide this information to your abuser and you never know if key logger or other software to track you has been installed. Ditto, if the possibility that your car may have a GPS tracker on it (usually the police will be able to check your car for this if requested).
- Set up your defenses. Once you escape, keeping yourself and your kids safe becomes imperative. Staying at a DV shelter at first is a good, safe place since they are very security conscious and used to these types of situations. Take a self defense course (it will give you some confidence but shouldn't be depended on to save your life). Carry a weapon with you that you are trained to use (again, you don't want to confront your abuser and this is a last, LAST resort, but even something like pepper spray can give you a few minutes to escape if they track you down). Let people at work know about your situation and ask if certain safety precautions can be taken for your safety (change the location of your office, put a coded lock on the door so only employees can come in, transfer you to a different location, etc).
- Recovery. After you escape, you will need to start getting your life back in order. There are a number of legal things that need to be done (protection order, separation or divorce started, temporary child custody/support order) which DV agencies can often help with for free or at little charge. You will also want to see, if you are short on cash, what other sources of aid are available to you in your community such as temporary housing, food stamps, other welfare programs, etc. Many of these things can be found through the DV agency or by calling 211.
And a few resources:
- Call 211 (for assistance and information about social service/legal/medical resources in your community).
- National Domestic Violence Hotline
- AARDVARK
- An escape plan template
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
My Emergency Fund is Having an Emergency
- I am a bit freaked out that $500, an amount I would pay for a purse or pair of shoes in my previous life, is such a big deal.
- We need to put $600 back in my emergency fund ASAP.
- We need to put $500 back into hubby's emergency fund ASAP.
- I need to see how creative I can be. At this point we have nothing to sell on CraigsList or EBay for some quick cash and working at a regular job is a bit out of the question since we will be leaving in about a month.
So now I am pondering my options to make some quick cash (which should make an interesting blog post). I'll let you know what happens.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Getting to Know Me
A--Age: 44
B--Bed size: Queen (but hubby and I can fit in a twin if necessary...we are cuddly like that)
C--Chore I hate: cleaning bathrooms. Yuck. Gross.
D--Dogs: none (we travel too much but I do like German Shepherds and Akitas)
E--Essential start of my day: Japanese green tea and email
F--Favorite color: green
G--Gold or silver: gold
H--Height: 5'3"
I--Instruments played: none (but I can sing. And I always wanted to play the piano)
J--Job: none (kind of on sabbatical now. My usual job is to own businesses and start non profits)
K--Kids: five step kids (who are all awesome)
L--Live: Usually Seattle, now travelling and deciding where to live next.
M--Mother: Mary
N--Nickname: none
O--Overnight hospital stays: none (knock on wood)
P--Pet peeve: bad customer service
Q--Quote: "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...and I chose the one less taken" Robert Frost
R--Right or Left: right
S--Siblings: three
T--Time you wake up: between 7am and 8am
U--Underwear: thong (I don't like panty lines)
V--Vegie I dislike: Brussels sprouts and okra
W--What makes me run late: being online
X--X rays I've had: dental...that's all
Y--Yummy food I make: granola, yogurt, pie, brownies, chocolate chip cookies
Z--Zoo animal: elephant
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Update: Plans, Health, Some Mini Disasters, and a Few Links
- Plans. We finally bought our tickets to our next destination which will be Las Vegas. Hubby and the BIL will be taking part in the World Series of Poker tournament there (fingers crossed that they win the multi-million dollar prize!) and I will get to catch up with some friends I haven't seen for a few years. We will be there the last week of June and the first week of July and after that? Well, we haven't decided yet.
- Health. As soon as we decided to go to Vegas, I decided I better get serious about my health. While my days of having a "boomin" bod and hanging out at the pool all day and nightclub all night are long gone, I still don't want to look like a beached whale (which is exactly what I feel like after basically lounging around and doing not much of anything for three months)! My goal is to lose 25 pounds in 40 days and in order to do so I have been working out at least two hours each day as well as eating better than I ever have. I went with a "Paleo-ish" diet of only natural, nutritious foods including meat, fish, lots of fruit and vegetables as well as non-paleo foods such as potatoes, sweet potatoes, bananas, and very occasionally rice. In fact, a few days after I started eating this way I was reading Carla's blog over at My 1/2 Dozen Daily and found that what I eat basically follows along with this post (although she rendered the explanation much better--and prettier!--than I could). Basically you skip the grains, dairy, and processed foods and eat only natural food. After just a week, I actually do feel much better, although I very much miss my favorite food groups--wheat, dairy, and Starbucks.
- Mini Disaster #1. About a week or so ago, I was ready to throw in the towel, move back home, buy another house, and get back into the rat race. I was bored silly (I have always worked at least one, usually two, jobs since I was sixteen but for the past four months I haven't worked at all and was going stir crazy). I missed my friends (I talk to them often and they always ask when I am coming home and I felt like I was missing out on so much with them...I was homesick!). And, since I read the online version of our local paper each day, there have been no less than six front page articles that, had I still been "in the mix" so to speak, I would have known about before the things hit the paper. I would have been a part of what was going on instead of reading about things from afar. I felt like my life, or at least my previous life, was passing me by. Then I had a moment of feeling sorry for the idle rich. It is all of these things--working, having a social group, being part of things in a community--that creates the fabric of life. Just traveling around and having no ties takes this important part of living away from you. I was ready to hop on the next plane and go home but hubby told me to stick it out, at least until after Las Vegas, and see where we feel like going from there. So I am waiting and in the past week I haven't felt so bad.
- Mini Disaster #2. A couple of days ago my step daughter (who is wonderful and the only "daughter" I have), sent me a text message. It said "I'm leaving my husband, can you help me?" I was ready to do the happy dance as I thoroughly dislike her husband and find him to be borderline abusive and getting worse but we have kept out of their relationship and told her we support whatever she wants to do. After four kids and trying to work it out, seems like she finally wised up and is kicking the idiot to the curb. But I digress. Like most women with four kids, a lousy husband, and a bad relationship, leaving him means that she will basically be out on her own, have to find a new place to live, and have to support her family by herself (we are hoping the guy will pay child support but that remains to be seen). So I know that the help we will provide will be mostly from our emergency fund. Ouch. Fortunately the kids (there's five of them) have learned to not ask us for money (we don't co sign loans, pay their massive cell phone bills, dig them out of credit card debt, or pay bail) but on occasion we do help out with unforeseen emergencies. This is one of them. It remains to be seen how much and what kind of help she will need.
- And finally, some links. Here's some interesting links you might like: Your Debt Free Checklist (exactly the process we used to get out of debt). Daily Habits that Keep Me Out of Debt (I have most of these same habits). Your Ideal Life Strategy (we basically did these things to get to the point we are at now).
Finally, since my blog always looks a little blah due to the lack of pictures, I decided to throw up a picture of my favorite flower to photograph, a dahlia. Have a great weekend!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Splurge!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Lots O' Links
- 7 Ways to Sink in a Stagnant Economy (so true and a giant change from just a few years ago)
- 380 Free Movies Online (we love free stuff...especially movies!)
- Forever Frugal (an interview with one of my heroes, Amy Daczyczn)
- Making Sense New England (features the above interview plus lots more)
- 10 Things I Won't Give Up to Save Money (everyone has a list like this, I'll post mine in a future blog post)
- Living a 6-Figure Lifestyle on a $30,000 Salary (smart guy...I think many consumers are getting smart like this)
- Finding Money (we all can use extra cash)
- A Tearful Break Up Letter to the Credit Card Company (funny!)
- How to Become Wildly Successful at Anything (useful!)
- 10 Articles that Changed My Life (even more useful!)
- Four Free Ways to Learn Code Online (if coding is part of your current/future job, this is great info)
- 30 Best Free Project Management Software Programs (if project management is part of your current/future job, this too is great info)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
How to Get the Best Prices on the Things You Need
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Stay Home, Save Money. Here's How
Now that we have been at my sister-in-law's house for a couple of months where there is pretty much nothing to do that doesn't involve spending money if we leave the house (and since we are trying to save every penny for our trip to Asia this fall) we have become experts at keeping ourselves entertained for free. Here's some ways to keep yourself and the family entertained at home instead of spending money to beat boredom:
- Cook. We have been cooking up a storm, using whatever we can find in the pantry. Actually hubby usually cooks and I usually bake. This tends to take up a lot of time and it is fun too.
- Read. There is a library down the street so occasionally I will go there and read books but mostly I have found quite a few books to read online for free. All you have to do is Google for free books to read online and/or download the free Kindle e-reader at Amazon then check out the huge list of e-books offered for free at Amazon.
- Study. I have been brushing up on both Spanish and Japanese during the past couple of months. This involved an initial outlay of cash for the books that I am using (the Practice Makes Perfect series is awesome!) but now I use the books to study every day for free. If there are other subjects you have been wanting to brush up on, MIT offers an excellent (free!) list of online courses here.
- Communicate. I still keep in touch with many of my friends back home and around the world. Thanks to the internet, I can do this for free! I use FaceBook, email, Chikka, and instant messages to communicate with my friends.
- Exercise. Some of the best exercise in the world can be had just by walking out your door and around your neighborhood. All you need is a pair of shoes and you can walk as far (or near) as you like, as fast (or slow) as you like. You can also do calisthenics at home, follow along with free exercise programs online or on TV, and life weights (even if you only have canned food to use as "weights") all at no charge.
- Enjoy a hobby. I am sorely challenged when it comes to being crafty but I admire my friends who can sew, quilt, knit, crochet, or do any of the other craft hobbies that can take up hours of time and effort with just a small initial outlay of cash for supplies. Other hobbies I occasionally enjoy include fishing, taking photos with my digital camera, doing origami, and playing chess with the hubby.
- Volunteer. Unfortunately there is no where nearby for me to volunteer right now, but at home I often volunteer ten to twenty hours per week with various organizations. Fortunately, the internet allows me to still provide some services for organizations that I love so I have been able to update websites for a couple of non profits that I work with and write grants for a few others. I know another lady who is mostly home-bound but was recently recognized as a volunteer of the year for all of the hours she gives to various homeless organizations just via her computer and telephone from home.
- Watch TV shows, videos, and movies either online or on cable. We haven't been watching much cable TV lately but we have both been enjoying a wide range of shows online in the evenings. Hubby enjoys his free online TV shows broadcast from the Philippines and I have been watching a Korean soap opera every evening (also free, also online).
- Playing with the kids. We like to play with the kids after dinner each evening, mostly to keep them out of grandma's hair but also because they are so darn fun to watch. I've never seen kids more enamoured with simple things (boxes, plastic bowls, the neighbor's cat, chasing the ducks) in my life. We toss the ball back and forth, make "forts" out of blankets when it is too cold to go outside, color, etc. All of this is free and it is great for the kids (and us too!).
It really is a major lifestyle change when you go from paying for your entertainment each day to entertaining yourself for free but it is also a wonderful way to explore new things and save a boatload of money in the process!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Link Round-up and More
- 80 Ways to Be Frugal and Save Money
- Stolen Camera Finder (this looks interesting although I haven't had a camera stolen so can't vouch for it's usefulness)
- 20 Things Life is Too Short to Tolerate (can I get an amen!)
- reddit Frugal (this is my favorite webpage to visit when I am pondering yet more ways to be frugal and save money)
And more...
- After I wrote my last post on our "up in the air" life plans, I received a nice message from a blogger I have never met (yet I often read her blog) inviting my husband and I to stay at her place for a couple of weeks this summer. I was pretty blown away because, wow, we are strangers, but the blogging community is soooo amazing and people are soooo nice. How cool is that?
- Also after I wrote my last post, my sister in law, who has been living with her boyfriend for a couple of years, said "I think I want to get married...let's go". Her boyfriend has been wanting to get married but when she called him up at work and told him he was getting married ASAP, he was surprised as us. So now we are all working on wedding plans for a wedding that will take place some time within the next month or so, somewhere in the US. As I have stated before, our plans tend to change daily!
- I have often heard of "Tiger Moms", especially after this article from Amy Chua came out. I never thought I would actually be living with one. After spending a lot of time over the past couple of weeks with my SIL and her grandkids, I realized she IS a Tiger Mom, Yikes. It seems to work, as both of her kids are quite successful, but now it appears she is working on her grandkids. Her methods are both appalling and interesting at the same time. Hmmm
- For the past few months we have been almost blissfully unaware of rising gas and food prices. The SIL provides us with a car and insists that we use her gas card to fill up the tank when needed as we mostly use it to run errands and cart the nieces from activity to activity. Likewise we do some shopping (eeking out super cheap deals on meat and produce at a wonderful local Asian store) yet she makes huge shopping hauls from Costco which provides a lot of food for us and everyone else (ie: here's 15 pounds of prime rib...do something with it!). Our "re-entry" into living on our own in a few months should be quite shocking.