Bad Habits

I would probably be wealthy, or at least have more money, if it weren't for my bad habits.

1. My worst habit is Starbucks and assorted other coffee shops. Oddly enough, I can't stand the taste of coffee but going to a coffee shop nearly every day is a habit that is #1 making me fat, and #2 making me broke. For the record, I will often have a hot chocolate or a green tea frapuccino instead of coffee. Anyway, it is hard to change this habit because, at least in our area, going to coffee shops whether with friends or alone is just something many people do each day. Coffee shops are a great place to socialize and also a great place to relax (my favorite Starbucks is located in Barnes and Noble where I can both relax and read which are my two all-time favorite things to do). But when you do this every day it becomes a habit and when you have a habit that includes parting with your hard-earned cash each day it becomes a black hole for your money. Not good.
2. My second worst habit is buying stuff for people. I guess I am a people pleaser and I also have the habit of seeing things that people "need" and wanting to get it for them. Case in point, I went to the Coach outlet store this weekend and I found the perfect bag that I have been looking for (it was even 50% off retail plus an additional 30% off so it was a super bargain). But that wasn't the problem. I had planned to buy the bag and I had the cash to buy it, however my sister was shopping with me and on the spur of the moment I decided to buy her something as well. Even though I had the cash to buy her a purse, it wasn't something I had planned. She was looking at the bag wistfully and I knew she couldn't afford it and it only took about thirty seconds to justify my purchasing the bag for her--she has five kids, she is a great, hard-working mom, she never treats herself, she has never had a Coach purse and has always really wanted on, Christmas is coming up... I tend to do this all the time. If I can make someone happy by getting them something, I can instantly justify the purchase. At least now I am limited by the cash I have to spend. It was much worst when I had a wallet full of credit cards...

So with my looming unemployment coming up, I am now more aware than ever that I need to reign in my bad habits. How to accomplish this is another question.

20 Signs You're Dating a Loser

My friend just called with her latest boyfriend drama. It may have been interesting if this wasn't like the hundredth time I've heard the same story, only the guy's name had changed. I think her man picker is broken since she chooses the EXACT SAME kind of guy each time and ~~surprise~~ they all end up being about the same...charming her, taking her money, then there is some horrible break up at the end. Don't get me wrong, she is a nice person and a great mother, she just has a soft spot for anyone who is needy (which is fine when you are talking about children, not so fine when you are talking about a grown man that can't take care of himself). So, instead of me ranting to her (I try to be tactful but my tact skills aren't that great) I will point out here how to determine if you are dating a loser (note that the loser could be a man OR a woman):

1. They ask if you can pay their cell phone bill because they want you to be able to reach them but they can't afford to pay this month (or the next, or the next).
2. They call (collect, of course) from jail and ask you to post bail for them (run fast, run far away from them if this happens!).
3. They have any kind of substance abuse problem. No ifs, ands, or buts, substance abuse will always be the most important thing in their life if the problem isn't fixed.
4. They have a police record (especially if it is long, especially if it is recent). This means they are lacking good judgement and impulse control. Yikes.
5. They can't hold a job and of course this is everyone else's fault but theirs.
6. They ask you to put their bills (credit cards, cell phone contracts, etc) in your name because they have lousy credit.
7. You find yourself always buying stuff for them...clothes, jewelry, cars (!).
8. They are always on the verge of homelessness and even their family won't take them in.
9. You have reason to believe they are cheating on you (they are probably conning a number of people at the same time).
10. They have no friends (they have probably burnt all of their bridges and you are just the most recent target).
11. They seem so sincere even though all they while they are working on extracting even more money from you.
12. They steal. Anything. At all.
13. They get caught lying/stealing/doing something else they aren't supposed to be doing and apologize profusely (sometimes even with tears!) but as soon as the dust settles, they go right back to doing the same old thing and never change.
14. They lie. Often. About everything.
15. They are abusive to you or others (verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc). Note that people who are abusive don't change without significant intervention. I hope you are long gone by then.
16. They are manipulative and play on your weaknesses.
17. They have a bad temper which makes you want to placate them so they won't be unhappy. Usually this involves your subservience and your money.
18. They make you feel guilty, ashamed, sad, depressed, etc. You want to be with someone because they make you feel better than if you were alone. If they make you feel worse, you are better off being by yourself.
19. They seem to live in a constant state of drama.
20. They make you crazy. You used to be happy and normal, now you are paranoid, jittery, and have no self esteem. Whatever you give them (money, attention, etc) is never enough and so you try even more to please them. This type of behaviour is a vicious cycle to which there is no end but by escaping. So escape. Now!

Wow. All of that venting made me feel better. It probably won't do a whole lot for my friend because I am pretty sure her next guy is going to be SO GREAT in the beginning but by the end he (and she) will have left a long trail of drama and debt. Sad.

Murphy Has Moved In

Quite a few times when you watch 'debt free Friday' stories on the Dave Ramsey show, you hear about people who had to overcome some pretty significant problems in addition to clearing up their debt. I guess I am in good company and I am taking it as a sign that I am on the right track because Murphy has done moved in and set up housekeeping in our guest room!
I was making some headway on our debts however over the past couple of weeks the following has happened:

• Our furnace is dead. Not even on life support but totally not working. And it is like 40 degrees outside! After paying $90 for a diagnosis, we found out that it will cost around $700 to fix the ignition control board and another part. Bummer.


• Our one car needs some work. It has a leak around the thermostat that is getting worse. We have been putting off getting it fixed but it looks like this problem will soon move to the top of our "fix it" list. In addition, the tail light went out and changing the bulb isn't fixing the problem so it looks like the shop needs to take a look at that as well before we get pulled over for having a light out. Ouch.


• Our house's main line drain is not working. It backed up and made a mess and two plumbers later they are still working on it (for some reason I think we picked the two worst plumbers in the phone book).

I'll quit whining now. I am sure things will work out. I am fortunate, however, that we do have an emergency fund and employment, some things that many people don't currently have.

p.s. In case you don't watch Dave Ramsey, some of the things the callers have to go through before they overcome their problems and eventually reach financial success, are much, much worse than my little problems. I still can see the light at the end of the tunnel!