20 Signs You're Dating a Loser

My friend just called with her latest boyfriend drama. It may have been interesting if this wasn't like the hundredth time I've heard the same story, only the guy's name had changed. I think her man picker is broken since she chooses the EXACT SAME kind of guy each time and ~~surprise~~ they all end up being about the same...charming her, taking her money, then there is some horrible break up at the end. Don't get me wrong, she is a nice person and a great mother, she just has a soft spot for anyone who is needy (which is fine when you are talking about children, not so fine when you are talking about a grown man that can't take care of himself). So, instead of me ranting to her (I try to be tactful but my tact skills aren't that great) I will point out here how to determine if you are dating a loser (note that the loser could be a man OR a woman):

1. They ask if you can pay their cell phone bill because they want you to be able to reach them but they can't afford to pay this month (or the next, or the next).
2. They call (collect, of course) from jail and ask you to post bail for them (run fast, run far away from them if this happens!).
3. They have any kind of substance abuse problem. No ifs, ands, or buts, substance abuse will always be the most important thing in their life if the problem isn't fixed.
4. They have a police record (especially if it is long, especially if it is recent). This means they are lacking good judgement and impulse control. Yikes.
5. They can't hold a job and of course this is everyone else's fault but theirs.
6. They ask you to put their bills (credit cards, cell phone contracts, etc) in your name because they have lousy credit.
7. You find yourself always buying stuff for them...clothes, jewelry, cars (!).
8. They are always on the verge of homelessness and even their family won't take them in.
9. You have reason to believe they are cheating on you (they are probably conning a number of people at the same time).
10. They have no friends (they have probably burnt all of their bridges and you are just the most recent target).
11. They seem so sincere even though all they while they are working on extracting even more money from you.
12. They steal. Anything. At all.
13. They get caught lying/stealing/doing something else they aren't supposed to be doing and apologize profusely (sometimes even with tears!) but as soon as the dust settles, they go right back to doing the same old thing and never change.
14. They lie. Often. About everything.
15. They are abusive to you or others (verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc). Note that people who are abusive don't change without significant intervention. I hope you are long gone by then.
16. They are manipulative and play on your weaknesses.
17. They have a bad temper which makes you want to placate them so they won't be unhappy. Usually this involves your subservience and your money.
18. They make you feel guilty, ashamed, sad, depressed, etc. You want to be with someone because they make you feel better than if you were alone. If they make you feel worse, you are better off being by yourself.
19. They seem to live in a constant state of drama.
20. They make you crazy. You used to be happy and normal, now you are paranoid, jittery, and have no self esteem. Whatever you give them (money, attention, etc) is never enough and so you try even more to please them. This type of behaviour is a vicious cycle to which there is no end but by escaping. So escape. Now!

Wow. All of that venting made me feel better. It probably won't do a whole lot for my friend because I am pretty sure her next guy is going to be SO GREAT in the beginning but by the end he (and she) will have left a long trail of drama and debt. Sad.