Arrested!

In a bit of drama last night, my cousin called in a panic saying her son had been arrested and she asked if she could borrow money for bail and a lawyer.  Unfortunately I had to tell her no (in as kind a way as I could).  I simply told her I didn't have any money and she knows I don't work so I guess she moved on to someone else to ask.  My reasons for saying no are several...

• She asked for a loan of $10,000.  I don't have $10,000 to give someone and we don't loan money to anyone (they usually don't pay it back and you end up without the money you loaned plus the relationship with the person you loaned the money to usually goes south as well).  If someone needs money we see what we have to GIVE them (if we feel it is for a good cause) and don't expect it back.
• She then asked if I had a credit card she could use then she would pay the payments on the card.  Again, I said no.  I know her track record with money and she is ALWAYS broke (yet somehow seems to buy all kinds of crap on credit), is often hounded by creditors, and is pretty lousy with money in general.  Needless to say I am not going to tank my credit--or get stuck with credit card bills--by letting someone use my credit card.  Again, if we don't have the money to give, we don't offer the money.
• I only got the very basics from her, something about her adult son who did something on his computer a few years ago (not clear what), so the police showed up with an arrest warrant for her son and a warrant to search her house (he lives with her), and they ended up carting off her son and all electronics in the house.  That doesn't sound good.  My position on bailing people out of jail is that if they did the crime, they get to do the time.  Almost always, if law enforcement goes to the trouble of going to a judge and putting someone's name on a warrant, they have pretty convincing evidence that a crime was committed.  
• The amount I know about bail bonds could fit in a thimble so I did a bit of research and found out that when you bail someone out through a bail bondsman, you don't get back the thousands of dollars you pay to the bondsman.  I think his bond is upwards of $5,000.  That's a lot of money to never see again.
• I know a bit more about lawyers and they cost a fortune, especially for more complicated cases.  I believe her son has or will have a court appointed attorney (they are free-ish but depending on the person's circumstances, they may be required to pay something for the attorney).   

Overall, I feel bad that I can't help.  I think it would be completely traumatizing to suddenly have your kid thrown in jail and any mom would look high and low for ways to help their child, but on the other hand, getting involved in your adult child's legal drama can leave a parent broker than broke--a bad situation, especially if you are already middle aged and have a very limited income and little to no savings.