Friday, June 1, 2018

Arrested!

In a bit of drama last night, my cousin called in a panic saying her son had been arrested and she asked if she could borrow money for bail and a lawyer.  Unfortunately I had to tell her no (in as kind a way as I could).  I simply told her I didn't have any money and she knows I don't work so I guess she moved on to someone else to ask.  My reasons for saying no are several...

  • She asked for a loan of $10,000.  I don't have $10,000 to give someone and we don't loan money to anyone (they usually don't pay it back and you end up without the money you loaned plus the relationship with the person you loaned the money to usually goes south as well).  If someone needs money we see what we have to GIVE them (if we feel it is for a good cause) and don't expect it back.
  • She then asked if I had a credit card she could use then she would pay the payments on the card.  Again, I said no.  I know her track record with money and she is ALWAYS broke (yet somehow seems to buy all kinds of crap on credit), is often hounded by creditors, and is pretty lousy with money in general.  Needless to say I am not going to tank my credit--or get stuck with credit card bills--by letting someone use my credit card.  Again, if we don't have the money to give, we don't offer the money.
  • I only got the very basics from her, something about her adult son who did something on his computer a few years ago (not clear what), so the police showed up with an arrest warrant for her son and a warrant to search her house (he lives with her), and they ended up carting off her son and all electronics in the house.  That doesn't sound good.  My position on bailing people out of jail is that if they did the crime, they get to do the time.  Almost always, if law enforcement goes to the trouble of going to a judge and putting someone's name on a warrant, they have pretty convincing evidence that a crime was committed.  
  • The amount I know about bail bonds could fit in a thimble so I did a bit of research and found out that when you bail someone out through a bail bondsman, you don't get back the thousands of dollars you pay to the bondsman.  I think his bond is upwards of $5,000.  That's a lot of money to never see again.
  • I know a bit more about lawyers and they cost a fortune, especially for more complicated cases.  I believe her son has or will have a court appointed attorney (they are free-ish but depending on the person's circumstances, they may be required to pay something for the attorney).   
Overall, I feel bad that I can't help.  I think it would be completely traumatizing to suddenly have your kid thrown in jail and any mom would look high and low for ways to help their child, but on the other hand, getting involved in your adult child's legal drama can leave a parent broker than broke--a bad situation, especially if you are already middle aged and have a very limited income and little to no savings.

8 comments:

  1. Glad you said "NO" - Got caught up with my youngest sister in her financial mess a few years ago - it was a disaster - We loaned her a sizable chuck of money with promises to pay it back - the drama - the tears - But she manipulated us - it ended up she was heavy into gambling - never got our money back - lots of family relationships damaged - I loved my sister and never thought she would do that to us BUT she did and we learned another hard lesson in life (getting way too old for all these lessons) - Mary Ellen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a bummer and that's exactly what I think would have happened to us if we had loaned the money (I too am getting way too old for these lessons!).

      Delete
  2. Wow! My hubby and I have staunchly agreed to never lend anyone money. I'm glad you stood your ground and for all those good reasons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep we like to help people but putting our own finances in jeopardy is not good.

      Delete
  3. The "something he did on the computer" sounds like porn, or a money scam. Either way, especially the first, is not good. They probably have enough to convict him. The bail is just so he won't have to sit in jail for a year until his case comes to court. At least, that is what I believe.

    It's too bad, but at least you will not be dragged further into this. Hopefully, she will not put her house up for collateral because she would probably lose it. She already allows him to live there, so that does not bode well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the reminder--I am definitely going to call her and warn her about putting up her house for collateral; that definitely won't end well.

      Delete
  4. Wow! You did the right thing. Sometimes I watch 'The People's Court' on TV. One day the emcee gave out this advice: never loan anyone bail money. Odds are they'll be going to jail, won't have a job and will never pay you back. Ditto for men who don't pay their child support.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I watch too much Judge Judy who says the same thing!

      Delete