Hubby's sister is on life support and they were supposed to take her off life support this morning as there really isn't any hope for recovery. However another sister just arrived at the hospital this morning from another part of the country and when the doctor came in to have the final discussion, this sister wanted to wait a few more days (she is the spiritual sister who is convinced God will intervene and her sister will be miraculously saved).
Cue another zoom call with the dying sister's kids and all of her siblings debating her fate. The doctor was really good, laying out the options--everything from taking her off life support today and she would most likely pass immediately, to waiting a few more days, to aggressive treatment that will keep her alive, via machines, for the undetermined future. He pointed out it should be a group decision instead of putting all of the pressure on her kids to decide. Then he kind of waited while a lively discussion ensued, in three languages, by the people with her in her hospital room and several people online. The consensus was to wait one more day then take her off life support tomorrow.
So the few things I learned about dying today are: have a will, a living will, and medical power of attorney so your life, or lack thereof, doesn't come down to a debate between family members, and make your wishes clearly known to your family members while you are still of sound mind and body. The debate today was "what would she want done in a situation like this?" and since she didn't have a living will and had never mentioned what her final wishes would be, the suggestions ranged from take her off life support now since there is no hope of recovery so why make her suffer longer, to wait several days to see if her health somehow improves (very unlikely). No one wants to make a decision like this for their loved one (what if we pull the plug too soon and she could have lived longer? what if we wait too long and she suffers needlessly?) so it's important to make these decisions for yourself so no one feels guilty for the rest of their life because they had to make a choice between life and death for anther person.
That is a sad predicament. How old are the children? If God is going to pull her out of this, why did he allow it to happen? Is she really in pain? I mean, I thought her state and medications would keep her out of pain. Just wondering because I thought people who were brain dead were not in pain, but I could be wrong. I am so sorry for the anguish of the whole family and loss of a member.
ReplyDeleteFortunately her kids are in their 40s so they are handling as much of her state as they can with her siblings pitching in as needed. I think the pain meds come into play when someone is on a ventilator as it keeps them sedated and comfortable with all of the tubes and stuff.
DeleteSo sorry to hear.
ReplyDeleteMy mom has an outdated will that me and my sister are to look after but we haven't talked for years and most of the family isnt talking. I have tried to get my mom to talk about her will and changing, etc. She just does not want to talk about it or do anything about it. Seems like she doesn't care too much that there will be issues after as she wont be here to worry about it.
The same thing happened (several times) in both my and hubby's families. What a nightmare. People act like rabid hyenas when it comes to death and money...eeekkk
DeleteI am so sorry, but what you say about having a living will etc, is what we have all set up. No one wants to have to go through what your sister is going through.
ReplyDeleteWe made sure to get all of our things--will, living will, medical power of attorney--years ago when we went through the same thing with our parents.
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